To Identify With The Attacker

We will always be hurt in relationships with other people. A misunderstanding, an unusual situation, or a lack of tolerance can result in conflict. But there are also situations where the attacker goes too far. We need to stay away from people who cause us pain.

The phrase “to identify with the attacker” was coined by Sandor Ferenczi and picked up by Anna Freud, two psychoanalysts with slightly different views. It is a paradoxical behavior that can only be explained as a defense mechanism, which involves the victim behaving like the attacker.

Even in situations of fear or captivity, the attitude of the victim towards the attacker can become pathological. Feelings of admiration and gratitude can develop. 

A typical example of identification with the attacker could be seen in the Nazi concentration camps. Some of the prisoners acted as guards and abused their fellow prisoners. This behavior was not just a way of “farting” for their attackers.

When you admire or love the attacker who hurts you

A classic example of this type of identification is the Stockholm Syndrome. This term is used when kidnapping victims establish an emotional bond with the perpetrator.

This band has also been called “the traumatic band”. It is used to describe the victims ‘positive feelings towards those who abuse them and their negative attitudes towards anything that goes against the perpetrators’ mentality and intentions.

The victims feel scared and anxious, leading to a childish regression. This regression is experienced as a kind of gratitude to the perpetrator that they begin to see as a person helping them with their basic needs. In this way, the victims will return to being children.

The perpetrator gives them food, lets them go to the toilet, etc. In response to this “generosity”, the victims feel gratitude to the perpetrator for allowing them to continue living. They forget that this person is the very cause of their suffering.

The attacker’s usual method involves scaring the victims when they are in a defenseless state. In other words, the perpetrator abuses the victims when they are vulnerable. At this point, the victims are terrified and have a hard time defending themselves against this. This behavior occurs because the victims believe that submission will give them a greater chance of survival.

The emotional affection

The emotional affection of these victims for the perpetrator is really a survival strategy. When the relationship between victim and perpetrator is understood, it is easier to understand why the victim supports, defends and even loves the perpetrator.

The truth is that this type of situation does not only occur during kidnappings. You can also see this defense mechanism in more dangerous situations such as in relationships.

Many of the victims refuse to go to the police. Or they quarrel with police as they try to save them from this aggression.

There are certain circumstances that promote identification with the attacker, such as domestic violence or harassment in the workplace. This mechanism is also activated in case of violence or rape. In any case, life can become unsustainable if this is allowed to continue.

All trauma that comes from an act of violence leaves a deep mark in the heart. This is the reason why identification with the attacker is activated, even if there is no close relationship with him.

What happens is that the victims are so afraid of the attacker that they begin to imitate him, to compensate for the fear of a possible confrontation. An example of this is when a victim of gun robbery buys a gun to protect himself. The person’s attitude legitimizes the use of the violence to which he himself was subjected.

From victim to attacker

Victims of abuse run the risk of becoming attackers themselves. This happens because the victims struggle to try to understand what happened, but cannot. It is as if their personalities are diluted due to all the confusion, which creates a void. A void that is gradually filled by the attacker’s characteristics, and where an identification with him then arises.

It is important to clarify that this process develops subconsciously. It’s like an actor who goes so deep into his role that he becomes the very person he plays. The victims believe that if they adopt the characteristics of the attacker, they can neutralize him. They become obsessed with this target, so they try again and again and in this dynamic until they begin to resemble their attacker.

This starts a chain reaction that results in a spiral of violence. A boss is violent towards his employee, the employee is violent towards his wife, the wife is violent towards her children, the children are violent towards the dog and it ends up with the dog biting the boss. Or one population is violent towards another, whose members then feel that they have the right to be aggressive back. They think they are responding to the act, but in reality they begin to imitate the perpetrator.

Unfortunately, a large proportion of people who experience traumatic situations do not get over them and do not seek help, which potentially creates trauma in other people in the future. This may seem like an obvious consequence to some, while to others it may sound contradictory, but it’s just the reality of it all.