Bench: Manipulation To Keep Someone Interested
With the advent of social media, relationships have changed. Love at first sight is measured in the number of hearts you get on Instagram. A “like” from the right person on Facebook can make your day. Terms such as “ghost” and “bench” have also become part of our vocabulary.
In a society that is dependent on technology, it is not surprising that many romances start online. After texting a bit , the next logical step is to have a coffee or beer. Thus begins the modern love story (or the heartbreaker).
It seems simple, but so often these situations become complicated. Maybe a person is no longer interested after a few dates, but does not know how to say it. Sometimes shame and selfishness lead to “ghosting” – that you hijack communication without explanation.
When haunting, you notice that the other person is no longer answering messages or calls. She blocks him on social media for no reason. He does not know what is happening and feels upset, angry and distrustful.
Like ghosting , benching is a way to get out of a relationship without actually confronting the other person. The main difference is that benching involves maintaining contact with the other person in order to exploit him.
The term comes from the expression “to bench” (as in sports). The concept is simple: fake the interest of a person we do not want something serious with so that we can have the person as a reserve.
Maybe it’s because there’s someone else we like or because we do not want to take root. In any case, benches are becoming more common. Living in uncertainty all the time can actually be satisfying, initially. Not knowing what will happen or whether the other person is interested is exciting.
But it can also be very upsetting for the person being benched. Selfishness rarely gives good results.
It is true that we sometimes wait a bit to respond when we like someone. We do not want to ruin the magic or make the other person believe that we are too available. Therefore, it is normal to wait a bit while replying to a message sent by someone special.
What is not normal is to wait for days or weeks. If the person you are dating behaves this way, keep your guard up. Because if the person really likes you, he will not let so much time pass. Unless something has happened, the person will not want to wait, because then you may lose interest.
The person will probably flatter you a lot, physically and emotionally. He will say that you are special, unique, attractive, different. Your self-esteem skyrockets, but you should know that the person is doing it for their own sake. He wants you to need him and not be able to live without him.
At the same time, he ignores you whenever he wants. This creates an ambiguity that leaves you lost and confused. At that time, the victim of benching often becomes dependent on the other person.
You have already asked several times where the relationship is going, but she is incapable of having a conversation about it. She actually avoids anything that has to do with the subject. She continues to flatter you, but does not speak honestly about how she feels.
Her only purpose is for you to stay in the waiting room, to see if anything better shows up. She does not care about how you feel or the damage she may inflict on you.
Instead, her main concern is her own well-being. She dreads being alone and not having someone who can inflate her ego. The fear makes it impossible for her to see the bigger picture.
In a relationship, it is important to set certain boundaries about what we are willing to put up with. If your relationship has been clear and honest from the beginning, benching may not be the right term to describe the situation.
There are couples who decide to have open relationships from the beginning. In the long run, some people find that this arrangement does not work. It ends with more pain and hurt feelings than benefits.
If so, you are not a victim of benching. It’s just a lack of communication with the other person. Accepting a type of relationship you are not okay with is your problem, not someone else’s.
If, on the other hand, you feel that you have been deceived or that the person is withholding information from you, you should be determined. You need to love yourself enough to know that it is better to be alone than in bad company.
