When Silence Hides A Scream
In silence there is an absence of words, it is true. But silence involves a presence, the presence of a message that cannot be uttered, but that is there. Silence is not a pause in communication, but rather a way of communicating something that does not involve words.
Just as there are words that say nothing, there are silences that say lots. There are silences that accuse and there are silences that kill. Silences born of the impossible or of fear and confusion, and silences expressing superior power. Wise silences and silences that cause misery. Silences born of oppression and silences that liberate.
You can actually speak an entire language based on silence. But among these many forms of silence, there is one that is brutal, for it encompasses a cry. It is the kind of silence that occurs after an overwhelming experience that cannot be described in words.
The silence that hides screams is almost always associated with horror. Horror is not the same as fear. According to dictionaries, fear is an intense fear, while horror can only be a feeling of fear and reluctance. In the same way, fear is caused by a materialistic source, while horror comes from an unidentified source.
Just so that we are clear: fear is experienced in connection with an identifiable object or situation. It could be a mosquito, a dictator or a fictional monster. On the other hand , horror is experienced in the face of a dormant threat that comes from an object that is hinted at but not fully defined. Horror is experienced when we encounter “beings from beyond this world”, “disasters” or “persecution”.
One of the factors that leads to the silence that accompanies horror is precisely the unidentifiable nature of the threats. How can we talk about extreme fear or extreme disapproval if we are not sure where it came from or exactly the damage it can cause us? You just feel that it is “something horrible”, but beyond that nothing is clear.
Fear is what you feel if you are confronted by an angry lion in an abandoned place. Horror is what you experience when someone you love, who is very close to you, suddenly dies. In both cases, they manifest themselves in a form of apathy, but with horror, the importance of the impossibility of being able to describe and explain is added on top.
Horror involves the silences that hide screams. Words cannot express the magnitude of all that is felt. The words are indebted. Everything that is said seems useless; it does not relieve pain and does not let others understand how deep it goes.
In such cases, the words do not seem to serve any purpose. Therefore , verbal communication is replaced by silence, but also tears, gestures or dissatisfaction, sighs…. But these expressions do not let you overcome the pain, but rather reintroduce it.
Words are not the only force capable of giving new meaning to our expressions. It is through words that we can establish an order for the world of our senses and pull out all forms of pain that hinder us from within. This means that we stand out from the crowd so that we can move forward.
Crying at birth is our first expression in life. With this initial cry, we announce that we are here and have passed the first major breakthrough in our lives. We have been separated from our mother and with the first cry we tell the world that we need it to live.
In adulthood, we sometimes feel that only a loud roar can express what we have on the inside. Only an incoherent and broken expression can show that we are defenseless beings who need the world.
But we can not go around shouting wildly at these difficulties in life. Therefore , the cry that does not come out is replaced by silence. But both are a muffled roar, and the silence itself communicates our inability to articulate our emotions.
So what’s the way out? We have to shout, but we can not. We have to talk, but the words are not enough. What is left to process the suffering when it hurts to just exist?
When ordinary language does not work, poetry becomes an emergency. And poetry is not only a set of structured verses, but also refers to all forms of expression that use pictorial concepts to materialize.
Poetry is song, dance, painting, photography and crafts. Knit, sew, decorate and restore. Every creative art form is practiced deliberately to shape the pain we consider to be poetry…
Carving, sculpting, cooking… Cooking? Yes, cooking. Have you ever read “Like Water for Chocolate”? Laura Esquivel shows us a woman who transforms her pain into food and manages to make others cry with delight.
When the words are not enough and you are drowned by your screams, you have found the root of poetry in all its forms. It is to this place within us that we go when the pain and horror go beyond our control.
Photos by Audrey Kawasaki.
