4 Lessons From Tao About Dealing With Difficult People
Tao gives us wise advice for dealing with difficult people, those who deprive us of energy and often block our path. According to the principles of Lao Zi, on these occasions it is best to stay calm and peaceful, empty negative emotions and take power from the people who take your peace from you.
If we take a look at the latest publications that talk about how to improve your communication style and achieve success at work, we see a recurring theme – learning to deal with difficult people.
We are aware that this term may sound controversial, so we should first define what we mean by it.
In the business and coaching world, we are forced to coexist with very specific personality types. They exist in almost every scenario, where they verbally abuse, manipulate and generally disturb us.
In recent years, many have used the teachings of the Tao to talk about how to deal with these situations. First because they know how to handle emotions well, and further because they teach us to confront abuse of power, set boundaries and improve our communication.
It does not matter that Lao Zi’s texts are several centuries old. His legacy continues to be very useful.
Taoism says that life is like flowing in a river. We should let ourselves be led without resistance to enjoy harmony. Concepts such as struggle, confrontation or resistance are antitheses to this idea, to the concept where we are urged to move forward with courage and flexibility.
So anyone who chooses to start a fight, to constantly confront troublesome people, will only become more discouraged and extremely frustrated.
Choosing to “not quarrel” does not mean that we give in or allow ourselves to be overwhelmed. Above all, it means not giving power to those who do not deserve it. This means choosing wisdom over violence, calm over opening the dust doors of anxiety.
Hardworking people often ruin our day with a single word or comment. No matter how irrational the message is, we are affected by the inappropriateness of their behavior. One of the tips that Tao has for us is that the less reactive we are, the more space we will have to use our judgment.
So let’s try to control how upset we are and our negative feelings. When the troublesome person does what he needs to do, we should count to ten and breathe in slowly. No one has the right to ruin your day, so empty yourself of anger, bitterness and bad mood, one by one.
Our mind must remain like an empty room, where toxic winds enter through one window and disappear out through another.
Difficult people sometimes make us victims. Little by little, we accumulate so much hatred, discomfort and frustration that we run the risk of reacting in the worst possible way. This is not good. Sooner or later we will regret this reaction, and we will especially regret that we did not set any limits in advance.
Tao recommends learning to be proactive. What does that mean? This means that we must learn to take control of things instead of just watching them happen.
One piece of advice that Tao teaches us is that every time we see a difficult person, we should try to put ourselves in his shoes by using the phrase, “it can not be easy”.
This phrase helps us to understand many things. “It can not be easy for my employee to have problems with everyone, to have a little patience and so little control over their emotions.” “It can not be easy for my brother to have problems finding work, having debts and even having a difficult personality.”
Understanding the perspectives of others will allow us to be prepared to better control the situation. This will make us better prepared to provide help. And when we give constructive criticism, it is more accurate and motivating.
Sometimes the situation with difficult people reaches a limit. A border where we not only feel trapped in a corner, but also feel bent, even humiliated. In these moments , Tao recommends that we visualize bamboo.
It also bends and absorbs the strength of the wind that wants to control it and have it under its power. But this never happens, because bamboo uses the strength it gets from its flexibility. The fact that it bends makes it strong when it reacts.
We can do this too. When we feel that we have reached our limit, it is time to rise with higher strength to generate change. We will not use force, because strength is not violence. It is the capacity to respond, it is to know how to position ourselves with courage in the face of those who try to make us something we are not – weak people.
The Tao contains amazing sparks of knowledge that continue to ignite our capacity for learning, enlightening us with its ability to handle the complexities of today’s modern world with greater wisdom.
Let’s learn and use it when we can.
