No, You’re Not A Bad Mother
It seems that people are looking for all the reasons to go into “combat mode” and say that you are a bad mother. There is a war going on against motherhood and what it means to be a mother. But as usual, only the women themselves are injured.
Worst of all, it is the mothers themselves who harm each other, and who judge each other regarding how they raise the children. It’s like there are certain ways that are the only correct ways to do things and everything else is unthinkable.
It is unfortunately true that there have been, are and will be, mothers who abandon and envy their children. Even in these cases, we had not necessarily said that a woman is a bad mother, but rather a woman with problems. She may have made a wrong decision in life and did not know what to do.
But it is these women who will have to carry the weight on their shoulders during their lives. However, these are extreme cases and we cannot compare them with mothers who love their children and who do everything they can to give them the best.
Even when we have our own way of understanding motherhood and our own ideas about what we want to teach our children, it does not necessarily mean that it is the best and only way for all mothers.
We must be tolerant of other mothers who choose a different way of raising their children. As long as neither the child nor the mother is harmed and they are happy, then what is the problem?
You are not a bad mother if your decisions take into account both your child and your own well-being. Even when the specialists recommend the following guidelines, it is actually the mother who spends hour after hour with her child. She is the one who really knows the child and has access to information that no one else has.
We are criticized if we breastfeed for too long, but we are also criticized if we choose milk substitutes. People judge us if we sleep with our child up to a certain age, but also if we let them sleep alone when they are “too young”. It is not right to let a child get used to being carried, but it is also wrong to let them cry in the cot… Are we really doing everything so badly?
Not at all. We do a great job. We do things the best way we can as long as we do it based on love. It’s also what a baby really understands, and we talk about what’s best for them.
Because not all children are the same: some find it very difficult as they are alone in their rooms, while others have no problems with this and can sleep peacefully. There are babies who do not get enough breast milk and need something for this. Others will grow up without problems.
Why should you move the baby to another room after six months if you both feel bad about it? Why force yourself to breastfeed if this causes a lot of anxiety and you transfer this to the little one? Enough with negative emotions in motherhood! Let us enjoy this time and be happy. Thanks to science and common sense, there are ways to make this process easier.
As Aristotle said, virtue lies in the middle. And this sounds sensible! As mothers, the best thing we can do is to be moderate when it comes to our decisions and even more moderate when it comes to judging other mothers. It’s not about reading every parent ‘book there is and doing what it says to the letter.
It’s about taking into account what your instinct tells you. That you feel good about your decisions and that you get out of the habit of judging yourself too harshly. The most important thing is that both your baby and you are happy and healthy on all levels: physically and mentally. This is the best sign that you are performing motherhood correctly.
Let us never forget that we are human beings and that we have the right to make mistakes and fix them. No, you’re not a bad mother just because you did something wrong. We can start over and fix our mistakes and it will not be the whole world.
In fact, there are many specialists we can seek advice from, so it’s not a good idea to correct another mother who is behaving differently than you. Do not be an extremist; moderation is always best. You should also keep in mind the most important thing in this situation: the best thing a child can have is to have parents who love him.
Congratulate yourself on what a good mother you are and do not underestimate yourself if you sometimes make mistakes. Raising children is a process that can be very special and fantastic, but which is also a part of life. It’s time to accept mistakes as part of parenting. You’re not a bad mother.
