Indirect Communication Damages Human Conditions

People tend to communicate indirectly instead of saying what they really think. Using indirect communication with your partner, family or friends on a daily basis can lead to excitement. This is because those who say one thing and deep down believe the opposite distorts the communication process and engages in a very subtle form of abuse, especially if it focuses on pointing fingers and reversing accusations.

People often underestimate the power of the word and begin to adopt very dangerous habits. In this way , we sometimes have a tendency to admire those who are capable of using sharp sarcasm  and those who have an honest and indisputable ability to make us understand things indirectly.

It is obvious that everything depends on the context, the situation and the moment. However, we can not deny that there are people who love to communicate in this inefficient, harmful and insidious way.

The question is why people continue to do it if it is so harmful. People do this for two main reasons. The first thing we mentioned earlier is that it is “original”. The second is that it is a way for a person who speaks to hide and protect himself. In this way, they can justify themselves with phrases like “Oh, I actually did not mean that”.

Through this “linguistic game” of manipulation, people can say something that means something completely different. It may be enriching in special contexts, such as seduction, but it is not in most other situations.

Indirect communication is something that passively aggressive people tend to do. They are used to insulting others in a subtle way, turning accusations and acting dissociatively when things do not go as they intended. Yes, people suggest when they joke. However, we need to know when this behavior is inappropriate.

Psychology professor Jim K McNulty at the University of Florida calls this dynamic “indirect hostility.” It is a conscious lack of communication characterized by a lack of connection between what we say and what we intend to communicate.

When people use indirect communication, they do so in a non-verbal language that can prove to be very revealing. In it we can identify gestures and attitudes that convey different emotions such as anger, conflict and contempt.

In most cases, the non-verbal communication people use is much more honest than the verbal one. This is why the victim first assesses the other person’s tone and supervision over the actual words.

If this dynamic of suggesting with the intention of mocking or humiliating becomes a daily routine, it turns into psychological abuse. Indirect communication is synonymous with perverted such and can seriously affect the victim.

Professor McNulty, as we mentioned earlier, is a reputable expert in the field of affective relationships. In a study he conducted in 2016, he described the most adequate communication strategies in romantic relationships, strategies that can help resolve conflicts.

One of them is to avoid double-bottomed communication. Anthropologist Gregory Bateson coined an English term in the question that  defines the use of hints or ambiguous signals that sabotage and stifle affection and, above all, respect.

We know we should not suggest. But what do we do if we are exposed to this indirect communication dynamic? How should we react to someone who always hints and does not communicate directly with us?

Here are some strategies that can help.

Keys to dealing with someone who always uses indirect communication

• Require effective communication:  When you realize that someone is using indirect communication, you should require them to communicate directly. If the person says you are not “smart” enough to understand, you can demand that you have someone “smart” enough by your side when it’s time to talk.

• Identify passive aggression:  Many people who constantly use this type of communication have a passive-aggressive personality. In these cases, it is of utmost importance to set boundaries as soon as you can. Make sure that the person understands that you do not accept their attitude and that the person in question treats you correctly.
• You can be the best example of what you expect from the other person. If you want honest communication, start by communicating honestly.
• Avoid being controlled:  You should remember that there is a hidden need to control behind the indirect communication. Hints, sarcasm and scorn are ways to sabotage other people’s self-esteem, as it will then be easier to control them.
• This harmful way of communicating can also be the gateway to other unhealthy dynamics that you need to identify and stop. Set boundaries as fast as you can.

While it is true that some hints may be accepted (and even appreciated) in some situations, they are ultimately synonymous with perverted communication. Always remember that healthy communication is honest and direct.