External Emotion Regulation: A Path To Emotional Influence

External emotion regulation refers to a fairly common process. This applies to situations where a person’s support and presence gives you a feeling of inner peace, calm and well-being. You may not have thought about it, but the psychological gifts that others give you can sometimes be almost addictive sources of support.

Let us better try to understand this through an example. You probably have friends who usually turn to you when they are facing a problem or having a bad day. In these cases, it is more than likely that you will stop what you are doing at the moment to give them your attention, listen to what has happened and make them feel better at ease and understood. But there are people who turn to others all the time, at the slightest thing.

Here we are talking about individuals who are “dependent” on emotional support. In fact, some people simply cannot manage their emotional state in any other way than through another person acting as a refuge. It even gets to the point where they say things like, “I do not know what I would do without you.” So while you may love helping others when they need you, this situation is not without its problems.

People need to learn to deal with their emotions on their own. After all, we are all responsible for ourselves. It is our job to solve what hurts, to find out the origin of our problems and to teach us regulatory strategies and emotional management. Relying solely on the regulation of external emotions is not the solution.

Let’s go a little deeper into this topic.

External emotion regulation: what does it consist of?

External emotion regulation is a relatively new area of ​​study. So far, psychology has been very interested in getting to know the mechanisms by which people self-regulate their emotional states. However, it seems that we have all forgotten how social we as humans are, and that there is nothing wrong with seeking support from others.

This model basically begins with Jim Coan’s social baseline theory. This approach states that the brain experiences stress in an isolated way and that closeness to our peers gives us well-being.

Within the framework of external emotion regulation, there are some nuances that are important that we learn about.

What does external emotion regulation mean?

External emotion regulation is a process in which a person affects the emotional state of others. This is also done consciously, voluntarily and with the aim of improving the state of mind of the other person.

If we go back to the first example, you will see that you are responsible for regulating how your friend feels during its tough times.

• This is not a situation where you infect each other with each other’s feelings. On the one hand, you are not immersed in the emotional state of the other. On the other hand, the other person is not affected by your emotional state. What you are experiencing here is a clear desire to regulate how the other person is feeling right now.
• There is a deliberate intention. In other words, ” I will try to make them feel better by making them see things from a different perspective. “

Others can affect you emotionally in many ways

So far, we have talked about external emotion regulation as the perfect mechanism for offering support. However, it is important to keep a small aspect in mind. This regulation can be both positive and negative. In other words, people can deliberately influence others in a bad way and cause them discomfort.

Imagine, for example, that you tell someone how you are feeling and they respond with sentences such as: ” Well, if you feel bad I feel worse ” or ” you are always full of problems “, ” you do not seem to know how to manage your life ”. This type of verbalization can really affect the person’s mood in a negative way.

The most complicated thing about negative external emotion regulation is that it is not always as obvious as you might think. The truth is that some people can undermine your mood in such a camouflaged way that you do not even notice it.

It is not good to be dependent on external emotional support

Breaking up with your partner, losing a job, losing a family member and failing a project are all examples of difficult times. We all go through them and undoubtedly need external emotional support. But in order to truly experience that you are moving forward and overcoming grief, adversity or other difficulties, large and small, it is important to learn to favor internal emotion regulation.

If you do not learn to manage your emotions on your own and are always waiting for others to regulate them for you, you will become dependent on others. Expecting others to reduce your discomfort is selfish, don’t you think? It may be something you benefit from. But in the end, it’s just like putting a warm compress on a wound: it relieves the pain but the trauma remains.

It is your responsibility to deal with your everyday emotions, both good and bad. External support is important for people and it is okay to turn to it from time to time. However, you must not get used to it. After all, emotional maturity is about being independent enough to resolve and overcome your own pain.