I Loved You Until My Self-love Said: “it Is Not Worth It “

I loved you until my self-love said, “It’s not worth it.” I dropped the bandage from my eyes, I removed the chains around my heart and I even took off the heels I wore to be your length. Then I saw it: you are not the love of my life, not even the love of the day or the moment, just someone who made me believe that I was nothing, when in fact I am everything.

Realizing that ” you are not worth it and I am not worth that much” is undoubtedly a personal revolution. A brave act that confirms the self-esteem that gives us. But we must recognize that it is not easy to achieve the emotional and mental strength that is capable of drawing boundaries between self-love and addiction; between dignity and giving in.

We know that the word “self-love” is fashionable. There are lots of books, manuals and courses that repeat, almost like a mantra, that “no one can establish a healthy relationship without first loving himself” . With this in mind, we can, if we first know the formula, apply it in the most appropriate way.

Self-love is not just built by reading a book or by reflecting on it. It is not a passive thing, but the exact opposite. Self-love is a state that grows through actions, and these actions simultaneously build up our physical and emotional health. It is a dynamic dimension that tends to experience peaks and valleys as well.

We invite you to reflect on this.

Astronomers comment that in the universe there are phenomena that are very similar to our emotional states. Just as an example: there is a nebula by name which, seen from a telescope, is fascinating because of its incredible beauty and strange mystery. In reality, this nebula is a union of white dwarfs, two old stars in their final stages of life, fading.

With this in mind, it is interesting with this couple that they revolve around each other. They form a deadly but incredibly beautiful dance that, sooner or later, will collapse. Somehow we also exercise this power play, even though we are not celestial bodies. We know that there is love whose destiny is to become nothing more than the dust of a memory, but nevertheless we give it fuel. We revolve around this unhealthy love, in the gravitational waves where our self-esteem hangs in a fragile thread and can be swept away by the wind at any time.

Maybe that love was not worth it, but before we become aware of the addiction, we will not open our eyes. However, we must keep the following in mind: no universe can crush our individuality, our self-love, our uniqueness and our exceptional light just like that.

Let us visualize self-love in a very concrete way for a moment: like a skeleton, our own. It gives us support, strength and resilience, and guarantees a harmonious and correct way of moving through our daily activities. If this skeleton has a broken tibia or femur, we will need crutches or a wheelchair – we will be addicted.

This personal dimension requires exceptional, vital support. We know that it sometimes suffers from peaks and valleys, wear and tear and the resulting pain. Therefore, it is worth remembering the components that make up this recipe to keep it in “good condition”.

The first pillar is undoubtedly personal harmony. This is another term that many defend and few use, and that is because it primarily requires courage. By harmony we mean the need to maintain a correlation between what we feel and what we do, between what we think and what we express.

Sometimes it’s better to prioritize what you feel than what you want. As an example: maybe you’re just getting out of a relationship. The loneliness and bitterness have made you despair, and what you urgently want is to find someone who can fill the voids. So… do you think this is really what you need at this point?

Setting boundaries is healthy. We often use a strange term: frenemy (a mixture of English words for friend and foe). This refers to the people who live in our environment disguised as our friends, but who in reality are harmful, who in reality are our enemies. Stopping these bonds and interactions is extremely necessary.

Live with purpose; do not accept compromises or crumbs. Self-love requires determination – half-hearted love is not worth it, neither the laughter of the day nor the tears of the night. Nor “I love you on these terms”.

To live with purpose is to understand that in order to be happy, one must make decisions. It is not an unpredictable orbit around a celestial body that will sooner or later collapse and disappear. Let us learn to shine, to have our own light, a determined voice and a brave, dignified heart, so that we can attract those we truly deserve.

Pictures of Chiee Yoshii and Kris Knight.