The Behavior Of People With Martyrdom Complex

Martyrs’ complexes are about people who seemingly put others before themselves. They may even indicate that other people’s feelings are more important than their own. Thus, they assume the role of a victim. In other words, they are the ones who seem to suffer the most and they do this very intensely. This way of experiencing life is what in psychology is called a martyr complex.

From psychology it can be understood that in practice it is voluntary to adopt this attitude. This is because pain and persecution create certain psychological needs. It is common for people to justify martyrdom as based on love, duty and sacrifice.

Strangely enough, the search for suffering also leads the presumptive martyr to somehow feel better. According to their view of the world, the act of punishing oneself is a sign of kindness. This is because this does not affect anyone else, which makes them feel more valuable. However, this is a self-destructive pattern because they have decided to ignore their own needs. Thus, they find and maintain situations that harm them.

The behavior of people with martyrdom complexes

To identify a person who has this complex, one must look at different behaviors, thoughts and values. Among them are the fact that these people:

• considers himself pious, like a heroine or a saint. In turn, they consider others to be selfish or insensitive, people who do not value the efforts of others.
• tend to exaggerate the level of their suffering, to promote their image. In addition, they seek the attention and recognition of everyone who listens to them.
• tend to have low self-esteem. This is reflected in how they often say they do not consider themselves worthy of anything and underestimate their own personality.

• have a hard time saying no and setting boundaries. This leads to them burdening themselves with more tasks, chores and harmful relationships. Similarly, there are some people with martyrdom complexes who, strangely enough, are in the role of manipulators. These individuals take advantage of their self-sacrifice to emotionally blackmail others and get what they want from them.
• do not have strategies for solving their problems and even if they do solve them at some point, there will always be new ones to complain about.
• tend to look for ways to show their goodness and good intentions while creating situations where someone else is the “villain”.
• may be disappointed to see the reaction of others after helping them. Although people with martyrdom complexes do not expect a refund, they are often not happy with how others react. This is because they internally expect admiration for their river, such good behavior.

How to act around people with martyrdom complexes

Relating to a person who has a martyr complex is not an easy task. This is because they are constantly talking about how bad they are and it can seriously affect you.

They often try to make you feel guilty when they help you, so managing this person can make it easier for you if you implement three simple strategies:

• Do not accept services or any other self-sacrificing behavior that benefits you. The more you get from a person with martyr complexes, the more likely they are to be disappointed with your reaction, which can lead to future conflicts. However, it is not about rejecting everything, just evaluating when it is really necessary and at the same time trying to help this person become self-sufficient.
• Do not contribute to the conversation when talking about their feelings of grief and sacrifice. Try not to offer compassion or to reinforce their anxiety. Instead, try to provide comments that only highlight the positive results.

• If this person is important to you, have a conversation where you try to explain that their behavior makes you uncomfortable and not good for them. They will be defensive at first, but you can only help them if you speak calmly, appreciate their efforts and offer solutions.

If you yourself have a martyr complex

More difficult than treating someone with a martyr complex is realizing and acknowledging that you yourself have one. Therefore, if you think you tend to act according to the pattern, evaluate your behavior as follows:

• How people react to your kindness bothers you, you may feel that they do not react as “they should”.

• You often say yes when you really want to say no.
• You create excuses after you have offered to do something you cannot do.
• When you say no, you quickly become concerned that others may replace you or that others become more valuable than you.
• You offer quick help without carefully evaluating your options.
• Finally, you feel that you often put other people’s needs before your own.

Change the martyr complex mentality

First, you need to realize and acknowledge that there is a problem, as this is the most important step toward change. Then you need to look for other ways to act and understand that this does not make you a bad person. To be accepted or loved is not determined by what you do, but by who you are. Therefore, the pursuit of pleasing and meeting everyone’s needs is a mental burden that leads nowhere.

Find different ways to interact in your relationships. Take on a different role. Maybe it’s time to take the initiative, make your own decisions and start fighting for yourself if you have lived your life around others until now.

It is essential that in this process of change you consider whether this is a balanced way of relating to others. You also need to think about whether you place yourself above, below or next to other people.

Above all, take your responsibility and respect the freedom of others. It’s time to embrace your mistakes and understand that each person responds and understands life in their own special way. Therefore, your life should not be dependent on theirs.

Finally, talk to others about your change process. They will understand and appreciate it and can probably even help make it easier and more bearable. However, show patience. There may be people who may have taken advantage of this situation or who simply need more time to adjust to your new self.