The Tears I Did Not Shed, The Grief I Ignored
Suppressing our emotions is something we all do, some more than others. Sometimes it’s something we learned from childhood; the idea that is instilled in us: “ Do not cry; large children do not cry. Strong people never show tears. ”
Maybe we are always looking for lonely little corners now, as adults, where we can ease the pressure, where we can let our voices be heard and let out the pain. In this way we can free ourselves from these burdens, find relief in the private and come out, seemingly unchanged to the public, and move forward.
However, some people not only avoid emotional liberation but prefer not to feel at all, perhaps because of upbringing or personality. Betrayal, forgetfulness and sorrow are hidden under a mask consisting of a smile, and they turn the other cheek against their inner voice.
Emotional oppression is the opposite of emotional understanding. A person who is hiding is someone who does not want to understand the labyrinthine nature of the emotional network that defines him or her as a person. But acknowledging one’s vulnerability is part of learning to be strong.
Emotional oppression – a step into the abyss
Emotional suppression is an act in which one shuts down or moderates one’s impulses, instincts, passions or emotions. It is a process where you hide something within yourself, not only from the eyes of the world, but also from your own. Why? Sometimes it is difficult to understand why, but psychologists talk about educational patterns as well as social, psychological and even biological processes.
The opposite of emotional oppression is emotional empathy. This involves inclusion, intimacy and empathy for others and ourselves. Emotional intelligence is the most useful and valuable type of intelligence we can have.
So why do we choose to silence our grief? Why is emotional oppression sometimes more useful to us?
- It’s a defense mechanism. If I do not react to your betrayal or anything else you have done wrong, and instead decide to go ahead as soon as possible, without stopping to think about how I feel, I can avoid acknowledging the pain you caused me, and then it it seems that this pain does not affect me.
- It is a strategy to protect oneself. If I hide my grief and pain, I will avoid acting like a victim to others – showing my emotional pain is showing vulnerability and losing control, and this is something that not everyone can accept or handle.
- Emotional ignorance. It may surprise you, but there are people who for various reasons have not been subjected to suffering, defeat or disappointment. For example, you can think of many young people in today’s society, educated in a culture that covers all their needs, where they develop a very low tolerance for daily frustrations. If they experience loss or defeat in something that is important to them, it will probably result in an overwhelming feeling or that they will simply be “locked in”. In these situations, people can simply choose denial or emotional support.
The tears you do not shed today will be unimaginable voids tomorrow. Unrecognized grief brings you closer and closer to the edge of an abyss where you can fall into the form of illness or trauma.
How should we deal with grief and disappointment?
We must realize that happiness does not come with a guaranteed lifespan. Acceptance of the present moment, with all its gray tones, is a great way to live with greater integrity and emotional balance, where grief is taken as part of life and our growth.
Sometimes we have the ability to separate our inner reality from our external reality. The reason for this? We disconnect our emotions from our inner self and hide behind a mask of well-being. But then comes the migraine, fatigue and muscle aches that we numb with painkillers, not knowing that they are symptoms.
Symptoms of unhappiness, of the tears we did not shed when we should, of the grief we refused to acknowledge and deal with – symptoms that have now taken us hostage.
Never postpone until tomorrow those tears you should shed today. Ventilate your anger, cry your grief and take responsibility for your failures instead of hiding them. Emotional understanding is a form of liberation we should practice every day.
