What You Deny Takes Over, What You Accept Transforms You
Many people who come into my office want change. Especially because they feel a persistent discomfort and constant unhappiness. However, they do not want to make any major change themselves. Much of the initial resistance to psychotherapy has a lot to do with their fear of accepting what is really going on in their lives. In other words, what you accept will give rise to change.
There are too many people who overestimate what they are not and underestimate what they are. Some of their pain comes from the way they evaluate themselves. At the same time, these people believe that the pain they experience can make them easily affected.
The interpretations associated with our emotional reactions cause us to suffer and to come into conflict with ourselves. We are the cause or at least the “accomplices” to our own self-harm.
Choosing an attitude of resistance will often hinder your development. It will prevent you from understanding that the cause of your suffering has nothing to do with the stimulus itself. Instead, it has to do with the relationship you have with this stimulus. People who oppose change only hope that their problems will be alleviated, and that they will simply do it by themselves. They expect to be compensated in some way without changing the behavior that actually causes the problem.
Peace comes from what you accept within you, do not seek in the external world
Many of the patients who come into the office think the same thing. That the cause of their complaints can be found in external factors, making them difficult to control. A large part of their desperation comes from and is maintained due to an excessive fixation on the unfair situation. A situation over which they have no control.
When we can not control our moods, it becomes easy for us to blame others for our emotional discomfort. By focusing on others, we place control of our emotions in the hands of others.
When it comes to their essence, no one would want to consciously and voluntarily hand over control to someone else, but we are affected every time someone does not meet the expectations we had regarding this person. Learning to deal with pressure and frustration is a fundamental aspect of an individual’s mental dynamics. This task begins with getting the patient to accept their frustration and their ability to influence it.
Internal changes begin before the external ones
When our perceptions do not agree with others’ or with circumstances that differ from our way of looking at things, we tend to develop a recurring psychological discomfort. By beginning a process of personal transformation, we will be able to focus on ourselves, which will counteract that we make ourselves victims. This will also prevent you from becoming bitter and resigned.
It can be painful for us at first to be honest with ourselves, but in the long run it will be very liberating. This allows us to confront the reality of who we are and how we interact with our inner world. We are really the only ones who can disturb ourselves.
We are the only ones who have the power to harm ourselves. Even though we have freed our senses, this personal war will set us on emotional boundaries. Among them we find feelings of guilt, bitterness, hatred, punishment and the desire to seek revenge. All of these emotions lead us toward therapy, and sometimes they are disguised as conflicts with others.
These feelings are the result of having interpreted previous facts and feelings in an external way. The problem arises when these past facts govern our current relationships. It causes a problem when it prevents us from moving forward. Remember: you will only be able to live in the present by choosing to move on from what you accept.
