When A Service Becomes A Bear Service

Doing someone a favor has good connotations and should be an expression of kindness. However, this is not always the case, and unfortunately we often see that a service becomes a bear service.

Initially, one might think that this bear service is only based on unkindness or the like, but this is not always the case. The idea is often that it should be a service, but then something goes wrong.

Without asking for it, we sometimes get help from others, which is gratifying because services give us a transforming power.

However, these situations can go unnoticed in this world of constant demands and immediate rewards. Therefore, we may not be grateful enough to the people who blow the wind for us instead of us.

The mediators between service and gratitude

Lack of gratitude can be caused by cognitive distortion that makes the result seem more negative than positive.

Selective abstraction or filtering is a distortion of thought that leads one to believe that negative things are more common and present than the positive ones.

But just as you may not be grateful enough, it may also be that you are simply not aware of these situations. This leads you, intentionally or not, to situations you dislike.

Life is not a mathematically perfect algorithm, and  actions or circumstances that can benefit you in the beginning can therefore hurt you in the end.

It is in these cases that a service becomes a bear service without being meant to.

On another level, mental filters can form different lenses through which we convey the information we receive or the thoughts we create. Everyone has them and generates them from their own experiences, usually subconsciously.

Mental filters or cognitive changes are mediators of how grateful or ungrateful you are for services, whether you asked for them or not.

When a service becomes a bear service: condescension

At other times and to your later surprise, some bear services may come from unintentional places. They also become services for the person who “wanted to help you”.

For this reason, some services are double-edged swords.

Condescension occurs when a feeling of superiority goes hand in hand with a maladaptive kindness to the person who is seemingly benefiting. It may be that the person wants to be condescending towards you but disguises it as a favor.

To prevent such situations, which are far from valuable help to the recipient, it is important to be critical of certain offers, even if they seem helpful. If the damage has already been done, you can do the following.

What do you do with a bear service?

Keep the following guidelines in mind:

• Excuse me: evaluate the cause of the situation or the bear service. Do not shoulder the blame if you are not going to carry it.
• Take responsibility: understand that lack of debt does not mean lack of responsibility. Yes, you are responsible for what you accept.
• Evaluate the intent and drop it: were there any ulterior motives with the service?

After all, you are human and can be wrong, whether you like it or not. From this point of view, humanism opens doors to compassion and forgiveness.

It is also important to remember that many services, even those with expectations or malice, cause ignorance.

A service for profit is a bear service

The perfect service is a selfless, well-meaning and friendly act for the recipient. But  it seems that services need to be reciprocal today.

If you do not repay a service, it therefore remains a debt, in addition to the possible consequences that the bear service may have for the recipient.

In addition, the lack of reciprocity can sometimes put the recipient at a disadvantage, but this is nothing more than projection.

It creates an illusory market for services and debts that can lead to negative emotions and resentment, especially if the “generous soul” is not paid.

A true service is always altruistic and selfless, but the service that a person does not need, which is offered with a condescending attitude, will probably turn into a bear service. Therefore, if a service is not eligible, think twice.